I'm an Infrastructure Specialist. And I'm Not Just Talking About Tech.

 

People who know me know I work in IT. I fix networks, I set up systems, I make sure things run the way they're supposed to. That's what I do professionally.

On my business card, my title isn't Owner. It's Infrastructure Specialist. I chose that deliberately. Because that's actually what I am.

But I realized something about myself that goes deeper than that. It's not just how I work. It's how I live.

I am an infrastructure specialist in everything I do.

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I'm on the board of the Bowen High School Alumni Association. My goal there isn't just to plan events or keep an organization running. I want to bring alumni together — people who walked those same halls — and connect them back to the students who are there right now. I want to build a tech after-school program for those kids. Give them something real. Something they can use. Nobody handed that to me, and I want to be part of making sure they don't have to figure it out alone either.

On the commercial district, I want to use my business to help other business owners grow. Not because there's something in it for me. Because a stronger block means a stronger community, and that matters more to me than any individual win.

At my church, I help with the technology so the minister and pastor can deliver the word without interruption. They had some issues with the internet and I gave them some suggestions they used and the next week everything was running smoother. Sometimes I sit in church working on something I saw to let them know of an improvement I see. 

With my friends, I show up. I listen. I help them get to where they're going and where they want to be. Not halfway. All the way.

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I don't do any of this for acclaim.

Let me give you an example of what I mean by that. I met a young lady some years ago and gave her some advice. I moved on. I didn't think much of it. Then one day I saw an Instagram post, and I was tagged and mentioned as one of the people who helped her get to where she is. I was happy that my suggestion helped her down the path to success.

I wasn't looking for that. But when I saw it, I was genuinely happy — not for myself, but for her. Because she made it. That's the whole point.

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That's what infrastructure is. It's the thing underneath everything else that makes it possible for other things to work. You don't always see it. You don't always know it's there. But when it's gone, everything falls apart.

I've always been that person. In technology, yes — but also in my community, in my church, in my friendships, in my neighborhood on the Southeast Side of Chicago.

I realized this about myself and I wanted to say it out loud.

This is who I am.

April 22nd (Bad night sleep and bad dreams)

 I'm sitting here worried, threats of services being cut off. My fear turns into a vision. Then my cat growls. Is she in my head? She walks over to me and glares at me. I immediately tell her I'm sorry and pet her. Did she feel or see my vision? Today is stressful I have to make some calls and see if I can make some deals and keep the lights on around here.

What do I want? The continuing development of me.

 

I had to see what I wanted. Since I never really did what I wanted to do for the most part. 

First, I need to be in a home that is minimal and is smaller than this. It's my home base, where everything starts and end from. I never really was a homebody and my mother knew it. I'm an adventure. I'm a person that wants to experience new things and new people. So my next house has to be someplace I recharge and regroup. I will entertain but only in small groups, no big parties.

Second, I want to restart the business fully. I know at this point in my life I need an executive assistant that's my clean-up person and keeps me on point. I have to be financed, and maybe the move helps me get that. Who knows. I never really fit in the labor market ever since I made the choice to work for me after the dot-com bubble ended in 2002 when I graduated from Robert Morris University. So I have to continue on the road I set for myself.

 Third, I need to travel, I cook Asian, Greek, Italian and other cultures foods from recipes but have never been there to experience the authentic culture. It's been a wish to experience things and meet people. This half of my life has to be that thing. Anything short of that, I won't be happy. 

Now for those of you that I deal with in the civic space, this doesn't mean I just drop everything a leave everything alone. There are fights I won't stop fighting, clean air, water, equality and transportation. The latter because I have a bucket list that I put to the side to ride every excursion train ride in the world. I love trains since I was a kid and I want to do that. We are always going to have to deal with all of that. I just don't know what part it will be until I finish with everything else. 

I'm just at the point of understanding what I want to do. Things aren't set in stone like where do I want to be. This is an open-ended question. It depends on my business and what resources I can get, is this the place for me to be? It will speak to me as I do it. 

The story continues. 

My Future

 I understand the question my mother asked me weeks before she passed. She asked me what I wanted to do. I didn't have an answer for her, because I never planned for myself. I only thought of taking care of her, I thought I would be years doing this, not just two.

So when she passed, the plans I had were if she was still here. Fix up the house, make a garden out of the side yard. Things didn't work out. Job issues, health issues, fighting through the process of probate and other things to keep me above water.

March 22nd, I walk into the emergency room at Cook County Hospital, laboring, stopping every so often to rest before I continued from the bus stop. I spent six days in the hospital getting the fluid that I had been carrying for a long time. During the time when I was taking care of both my mother and granny. Just moving along despite my own issues. Now coming out of the hospital. I'm diagnosed as having heart failure, as my heart was only working at 35 percent of normal when evaluated.

Now I'm here April 15th 2025, and I realized I'm still not living my life. No job, the business no producing money, and I'm behind on everything. I had to ask myself this morning, I'm I living MY LIFE!? The answer is no. 

So what is my life. I had to ask myself. I've worked to help others so long that I don't know what it is to live for myself.

One, my house isn't a place I want to be in all the time. While I was taking care of my mother, she would always notice when I got tired of being in the house and suggest I go somewhere. Most of the time I would go to local wrestling shows like CSW, AAW and other local shows. Have fun and come home. I got an AMC movie pass from a family friend, and it started for a while me picking a day to go to the movies. There are other things I would like to do, but the money became a barrier to going. 

Two, I'm a traveler, I like to go places and experience things. Even with in the city. It's the reason I made a group on Facebook, "Let's Go Eat" It was supposed to be restaurant suggestions where we would plan to meet and have fun over a meal. Didn't work out that way, it's just me and my best friend Dawud posting recipes we see on social media. When I was younger, I did road trips. We would go visit someone in another city. The rules were you took us out to eat, no chain restaurants. You had to take us to something local. Those were fun times. I would love to travel more and see more. Since I've been on Rednote I want to travel to Asian countries and see everything in person. Would love to go to Europe and Africa. I'm a train fanatic. I've seen some great train rides in Canada and a few in South America I would love to experience. So you see if I owned a home it would just be home base when I'm not out and about. 

Three, I've always been about meeting and experiencing new people. It helps you grow as a person and gives you better perspective. So traveling would satisfy this.

 So what does that say to what I'm doing now. Well, this house is like that movie Moneypit. The longer I live here, the more that goes on. This house is old and way too large for me. I would be happy with a smaller, easier to maintain home. Right now, I can't move to do that because of everything I'm dealing with. I feel like I need an executive assistant most days.  So I might look to sell, but in the deal I'd have to be found a smaller home to move into. I refuse to live the apartment life. I did it for a short time and didn't like it. So, I want to be a homeowner. 

I'm in the right field. IT would allow me to be able to move around. When I get the business funded. I have a plan to allow me to be able to move around but have my business to where my clients are always taken care of. (don't want to give out secrets on what I'm going to do)

So I'm looking at ways to get out of this pit. I'm working with my resources and I'm going to make the best decision for me.

Time to take this reset and run with it.

I've never been the person who puts my life out there as it happens, and sometimes I don't speak about it afterward. I had to say something about this. Some of you know I haven't been well for quite some time, and I've been battling issue after issue. 

 Well, Saturday March 22nd while I was on my way to a CSW (local pro wrestling) Show with my friend Dawud I was feeling my worse but I went along just trying to make it through. We took public transportation to the venue. As we are getting off the 303 pace bus at 25th and Pacific Ave. We started our 2 block walk and I knew there was a problem. I had to stop every 1/2 block to rest. Not a few seconds but at least 2-3 minutes. I felt like my heart was working too hard and I had to stop. I made it to the venue and dealt with standing up in line. When we got in I got to sit down. 

 I was good I made it and I was enjoying the show. About 2/3rd of the way through my legs started swelling and I felt uncomfortable in the chair. Usually at this point I would get up and move around but it was a packed house, not much room to move. So I just sat there moving around in the chair just making it through. 

The show was over even though I was uncomfortable I still enjoyed the show. I told Dawud how I felt and he called a Uber to get us back to his house where I was going to stay the night and go home in the morning. 

After a few driver changes we got our guy and we were on our way to his apartment. I got in the car easy but it was a hard time getting out. I took my time to get to his second floor apartment. I crashed out in the reclining chair. Dawud got me a blanket, we talked a little before he went into his room and I went to sleep. 

In the morning I'm still not feeling good and wondering about my bus ride home. I thought since I'm getting on the 126 Jackson bus and the weekend route stops at Stroger Hospital, should I just get off there and go to the ER. I had been to South Shore twice already but I was a Cook County Hospital patient and I know they would be more aggressive on getting me well. So I talked to Dawud about it. Like normal Dawud always listens and doesn't really interrupt me with advise. He knows I'm just talking it out and I needed him as someone who would listen. Then I got to a point where I was starting to talk about things I had to do, saying I probably don't need to stop. 

Suddenly Dawud looked at me and hollered STOP! He knew it was time to give his advise. At first I looked strange at him but I listened as he said stop making excuses and go. I agreed, got myself together and got on the 126 at Central and Jackson. 

On the ride there I started worrying about how I was going to feed the cat of I had to stay. What I was going to do about other business that I had to attend to. I got off at Harrison and Ogden to walk to the ER. It was a 5-7 minute walk as I had to stop every so often. 

I got to the counter, they got me in a wheelchair, then asked me what was wrong. After our conversation I was wheeled in to get a EKG, after I was called up to the triage nurse then I had blood drawn. While I was getting blood drawn they called me to the back. I ended up in RED 23 ( I felt that was kinda lucky later on)

They took great care of me doing the tests that needed to be done. Working to get the excess fluid off my body. Trying to determine if this excess fluid has caused any heart damage. Because of the excess fluid I couldn't take a CT scan. I couldn't lay down flat. 

So they got me a room and continued to work on my fluid levels. Cardio came up to see me and told me the plans to check my heart and lungs for damage or blockage. I started to worry about how I was going to take care of Adora. She needs to be fed. I reach out to several people, in the end Dawud and Rita were going to help me with that. On top of that something happened that my wood door wasn't closed so Dawud was going to close that after he fed Adora. 

I was happy that it was done and I though at this point I might be out by Monday or Tuesday but that wasn't in the plans. The doctors were concerned about the amount of fluid that I had and wanted to make sure they got off all they could before the procedure. On Tuesday they moved me from the 8th floor to cardio on the 4th floor to be closer to the specialist working with me. 

I was starting to feel lonely and I was missing Adora. When Dawud went to my house I had him put up my Wyze cams that were charging so I can see Adora and talk to here. The first time she heard me and ran to the camera and meowed and meowed. It made me feel bad I wasn't there. In the mist of feeling this way I got a visit from Mark Lowe the pastor of my church. I reached out to him and several other close people to let them know where i was. I didn't expect to see him. I was surprised and happy that someone came to see me. He was right on time cause I was considering telling the doctors I had to go. Since Mark came I decided to stay. The visit gave me energy to continue.

This wasn't the last visitor. As I was sitting and watching TV the next day here comes Ms Wells and Ms Edwards. Ms Edwards had been getting on me at church about taking care of myself and said she will do a walk by and make sure I'm good. I was so happy to see them. One of my doctors came in while they were there and told me of the plans. As she was telling me the risks I got scared. Both Ms Wells and Ms Edwards encouraging me to do what I needed to do (I told the doctor they where my aunt so they can stay) :) I did need them there, you remember I talk myself out of stuff. So I agreed and signed the consents. 

Since this story is going long I'll save what happened in the procedure for another post. It was interesting. 

After the procedure they said everything is clear. no damage, no blockages.  I was happy about that and that they used my neck and wrist and not my groin. The later would have been a longer recovery time. 

So now that it was done. My cardio doctors can now figure out what meds I needed to continue. I spent one more night, my choice before I went home. 

Now that I'm here I feel different. Its something I have to get use to. I've never felt like this before. I've come to realize that I was doing things to compensate for what was going on. I was holding my breath at times while I was doing things. I have no clue why. Its something that I'm trying to break the habit from doing. So if you see me someplace and it looks like I might be holding my breath remind me to breath. Usually when I'm doing something, climbing stairs, walking up and incline, I did it this morning while washing dishes. Weird. I feel totally different. When I first got home I though I needed to rest. I need to take it easy but I need to move so my body gets use to feeling like this. I have to resist the thought that I don't feel normal. This was a reset. This is normal and I have to keep this. 

While I was in my room the morning of the procedure I did a video titled "Get out of my own way. Its on my YouTube channel right now. I talked about how much I get in my own way. I'm going to stop this because its the only reason I am where I am. It was no one else's fault but mine. Time to take this reset and run with it.  

 

Core Dump

Today is different, I woke up different than most days. Today I woke up with hope. Most of the time I'm thinking about everything that I need to do that I hope to do and that I should be doing. Today. I woke up with the solutions not more questions. Because I have people that I trust that tell me things without directly telling me things. I have woke up today with my Epiphany. Always been trying to figure out why my business isn't more successful. Well, I've always bucked trends I'm the guy that didn't do what everybody else did. I was never a person that put myself out there for other people to see and scrutinize. I always kept myself to myself or to my closest friends. It works in life but not in business. I have social media for Litzsey Tech Services, but my face is a feature as the owner or the guy who's doing things and that's what people look for.

I just give information which is what I did as the cog and the wheel not the leader at the head of the table. I never like being the face of anything. I always like to be the person that was behind the scenes that was running the engine but I'm by myself so I have to be in front. It's my business so I have to be in front, but I've been fighting it. When I became the president of the Bowen Alumni Association, I fought it. I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to be the face of the association. I just wanted to be a dude that did stuff for people. That's all I am is a person who does stuff for people.

The people that deserve it, the people that need it. I wasn't about trying to be a public face of anything but a mentor and friend told me things that indirectly made me understand that I have to be that face of leadership. That person that says this is me and this is what I do. I ran my Tech services by referral so I didn't really need to go out and advertise and say I'm the best in the industry and I can do this for you. I had other people speaking for me but when those voices cease to exist and I came back to this market. After taking care of my mom and taking care of her last things, I thought that I could go back to doing exactly the same thing that I did before but that doesn't work after 2 years of thinking that all I had to do was tell people that I was here and what I did and that would work but marketing has changed. Marketing is something that you have to put yourself out there for everybody to see. I'm social but I'm more personal. If you sat me in a group of a hundred people to speak my voice would be meek but if you sat me in a room of five people my voice would be strong. I have to get past that because if I am to survive I have to talk to the room of 100 $200 a thousand. A million people tell me that I'm smart and I know what I'm doing. But if I can't get that across to people is useless. There's people who support me and say oh yeah he's great he does this. He does that but I don't get the referral. I don't get the push and that's because they know I'm a nice guy but they can't risk that reputation by promoting me to somebody for work.

In Tech I was always in the bleeding edge. I was always the dude that was pushing to understand new things so it always made me the guru of my circle. I was always the go-to guy. Then at one point technology became easy and a lot of people could do it that couldn't do it before. So now you have to be the most charismatic the most. The best marketer I can say that's where I lacked because I did the job but I wasn't blowing the trumpet for myself. Being at the cafe kind of showed me something it showed me how to put myself out there. I haven't done it quite yet. Dee wants me to get on stage and do comedy. I keep resisting just like I've resisted doing the things that I need to do for my business. I want to do it so bad though what she doesn't know is that I'm always in the mirror of practicing a routine because I'm such a perfectionist. I don't want to get on the stage and just be mediocre. But that's just the fear that's keeping me from doing what I should be doing. I want to be successful so bad but I definitely am not doing the things that I need to be doing. The funny thing is that I've helped plenty of people get to where they needed to be. I met a young lady at a tech conference. She didn't know what she needed to do to make her business successful. She didn't know where to go to get to the people that she needed to talk to at the time. I was dealing with Chambers of Commerce and trying to do things that way and work with those people. So I listened to her and I told her well. Don't you have Chambers of Commerce where you are? She said she didn't know. I said you should look it up so when she did she opened up a door that let her down to path to being successful. One day she posted thanking the people that got her where she was and I was on that list. Y'all don't know. I was balling crying over here because I was happy that I could help her to get where she wanted to be. I've done this for several people. They've always come back to try to see how they can help me but I always refused because if I can help you I should be able to help myself but maybe that's not true. Maybe he has to open myself up to allow people to help me, but then I'm always uncertain how they can and so I end up pushing them away. I can't keep doing that so if you're somebody that wanted to help me in the past and I pushed you away, I'm sorry. I know you were trying to return the favor to me but I just am that guy. That's proud to the point that I got it myself. I'm cool. Thanks and that's because when I asked her other people to help me they refused and they refused in the most horrific ways so it made me angry. That's something that I never told about the whole issue when my mom and grandmother got sick and both passed away when my grandmother was in hospice I called my cousin. I asked her to help me and go see about my mother who I just sent to the hospital in the ambulance.  I heard the sigh, then the response. I can't see her like that. I instantaneously got angry but I realized I wasn't going to lash out at my cousin at that point. So I said yeah okay hung up the phone and was resolute on doing this s*** myself f*** it. I don't need to keep asking people. I felt like it was a waste of time so I did it myself. I went back and forth between both of them not telling my grandmother that her daughter is in the hospital. I didn't want her to die with that thought in her mind. So the whole time that I was dealing with both of them. I was angry and upset and I closed off a lot of people, not just the ones that wouldn't help me but the ones that wanted to and this is where it started from. This is where pride turned into angry pride and I said I'll just do this myself. I don't need anybody because don't nobody wants to help me anyway. That's how I felt. I probably still feel like that mostly. I know that there are some friends out here who will help me. They're in their own situation, so I know that I can't expect them to help me every time something happens and I appreciate them when they do come and help me. I know that God puts people in your life when you need it. Somebody recently just contacted me, the wife of a friend, a good friend and she offered to help me with the business I just lingered and was like oh I'll get back to you knowing full well what's going to happen but I'm not sure how I want her to help me and that's the sticking point to me not being able to just accept the help. Their people that I talked to in the past few months that I kind of reached out to for assistance, but they gave me the talk the hey. You should do this situation. I already knew that's what I was supposed to do, but I'm not really looking for that kind of help. I realize that I'm the person who comes into the room and listens and learns and takes those things and moves on with them. So a lot of times I know what I need to do. I just need that friend that's with me. That gives me support. That makes me feel like this is good. You're okay? Cuz I'm a collaborative person. I'm a guy that likes to talk about things. Go over stuff. Remember earlier I told you I was a perfectionist. That's damn true. I'm a dude who does not want to put something out without some Outlook from somebody else and their opinion on it. If this is the good thing some people might look at that as like why. If you know you know just put it out but that's just not me. I'm always looking for my closest friends' opinions, another stopper point in what I'm supposed to be doing. This whole text is just a core dump. It really doesn't have any rhyme or reason. It's just a lot of things that I have in my head and that needs to come out. Some people might say hey. Don't put all your emotions and thoughts and everything on social media, but sometimes this is the only way. I wanted to start groups to where we sit around and talk about what we should be doing in our own lives and talk about it with people that you know and people that you know won't put your stuff out everywhere. I've been in a couple of groups like that. It was only one-off. It never really kept going. I wanted something that was going to keep going so that we could just be around one another in an environment where we eat and have entertainment or whatever. And then we just talk about life. Talk about our businesses. Talk about our relationships cuz sometimes these things don't need to be public knowledge. They don't as much as social media is the vehicle to tell what you need to tell. Sometimes those things no need to be told there. I have somebody right now who's probably reading this and going. Ken why you doing this? I got to because of years of not saying anything has left a void for people to talk about and make a narrative of you. You know where I learned that I learned that as becoming the president of the Bowen Alumni Association I realized that the organization had left such a void that people were talking and saying certain things that weren't true and circulating it amongst the alumni to the point that it became the truth. There's an all-class coming up that Keisha catch organized and we talked to her as the association about supporting her and bringing her into the alumni. But then I realized that she needed to go through this experience on her own like she was planning to do in the first place because in the past we had an all-class where I was inside the know and I knew what was happening on the inside. There were a lot of things going on and it still is going on among the alumni. The one thing is you never can leave a boy because if you do somebody will feel it with what they have to say Rather than the truth, no one's going to ask you. They're just going to assume and say things. So yeah maybe I should stop right now. I know it's been quite a bit. I got to let people absorb who going to read this. Like I said this is a core dump. This is something that I'm just spewing out into the microphone onto this blog. I'm probably not going to edit it so it's probably going to give me some mistakes cuz you know translation sucks like cuz it was like because but you know when you say cars nope that's not it stop. This is funny so I'm probably not going to post this on my Facebook. It's probably going to live right here and I'll probably just link people that I care about in this and some of the people that I talked about in this without saying their names all right y'all

Issues with my CPAP treatment and my solutions.

I have been treated for sleep apnea for a long time. Recently I have got a new machine and my incidents per hour have gone up a lot and my mask isn't sealing. 

So I have been evaluating myself over the past two weeks and this is what I think is the problem. 

I. Problems

1. Sleeping on my back consistently

2. Can’t sleep on side because of shoulder going to sleep (circulation) Waking up with discomfort

3. Stress, my unsteady financial situation. 

4. nasal congestion

5. Lack of exercise

6. Cleanliness of this old house. There is something here aggravating my sinuses at times.

7. Need to lose more weight

II. Solutions (issues)

1. nasal decongestant, get a decongestant that consistently works and use it regularly.

2. clearing sinuses with saline

3. Sleeping on my side, have to solve shoulder issues

4. Planning walks and yard work consistently, have to make time regardless of financial situation.

5. Find the time to clean or get someone to help.

6. Get a full face mask to solve the mask sealing issue. 
   
   

This is my initial thoughts. Some of these items I can handle myself others I might need some kind of help. It will be limited because I can't afford to pay anyone. for cleaning, and yard work, without solving the financial stability issue first. 

Staying in today.

I decided to stay in today because my sinuses are really acting up. They got congested. + When I use my CPAP it exacerbates everything. 

So I'm sitting in my living room in the dark. Try not to let the light hit my eyes. I'm Angry because this is a rainy Tuesday and is a great opportunity to make my money today and rideshare. But I think about others as I think about myself not putting anybody in danger by trying to drive to make money and possibly have some kind of accident because of my sinus headaches and the actual fact that light bothers my eyes. 

Usually when my mom and grandmother were here they pushed me to go see about it. Now that I'm by myself I catch myself trying to deal with things and just push through but that's me normally. That was the me that my mother and grandmother were trying not to allow to flourish. I could always tell by them that that's probably how my grandfather was and every other mail in my family. 

Days like this is challenging because the usual people that I can reach have their own life issues to deal with and can't always drop everything and come see about me. And I really don't expect him to. So most of the time I really don't ask. 

This part of my life is difficult and I know that I can make it through. It's just that days like this. Put a damper on it and make you feel like you can't make it. I know other people who are going through situations of their own and they're going through same thing that I'm through. Job and money issues, trying to sustain what they have, trying to stay mentally fit. 

As I'm doing this my sinuses are starting to clear so hopefully you by this afternoon I'll be feeling better. I think right now I'm just going to try to conduct as much business as possible and get those things out of the way. I hate that I'm not out there trying to make more money because I really need it. Not having that IT job anymore has kind of put things in more of a stressful situation. Now I have to work more hours to get the same amount of money. I wanted to start my business but it seems that all the time that I take the drive. I can't spare the time to work on the business. My only other option is to get employed and that's the issue. That is the biggest. Ageism has really rear this ugly head for me. Being an independent IT contractor for all these years has put me in a position that when a hiring manager sees my resume they immediately think all is this dude that own the business and he's going to come in here and act like he still owns a business. I've actually worked. I actually understand work. I actually understand hierarchy but of course people put generalizations on people and just keep it simple. 

So I'm just going to continue to work and continue to do what I do. It's all I can do. Is what I can control.

Driving the Kennedy (My Rideshare adventure.)

 

As everyone in Chicago knows by now there is a reconstruction going on with the reversible lanes on the Kennedy Expressway. Which is phase 2 of the project. Well, I drove it today going from Addison to downtown as I was taking a passenger to her destination. 

When I started out Waze was directing me down Oak Park Ave to Addison and then to the Kennedy. On the way, Waze had an alternate route. It was so twisty and still ended up on the Kennedy at Diversey I just decided to go to the Kennedy and get on. 

It was really slow going, creeping up the ramp to the expressway. When I got on it was just too jammed packed and I decided to get off at Kimball. Of course, there wasn't an easy way to get somewhere to take me south. I worked around and realized very quickly that every course I could take would end up crossing the Kennedy at some point and getting us back into a traffic jam. So after going to the streets, I got back on the Kennedy at Diversey. Got on, it was better than back where I originally got on at Avondale. So I worked my way to the third lane where traffic was starting to go faster. After about more minutes I made it to her destination. Thanked her for riding with me through the adventure. She thanked me for getting her to her destination.

I left this post in draft. Since that ride, I've been on the Kennedy several more times. I just can't understand how there isn't an effective alternate. It shows how dependent people are on this expressway. If you're going to O'hare from the city, you have to take the expressway in because it's the single access point.  I hope that in the future planners and transit activists can come together to make a better plan for the city. While the activists want a plan with better transit, bike paths, and walkable commercial areas that are easy to get to without the use of a car which could help ease traffic issues in this city. Making it easier to restructure traffic to stop the increase in vehicle use. It makes any industry connected with car use richer but does nothing for the people who have to use it. It leads to this very issue I'm speaking about above which no one wants. 

One day from another year

 

I wake up on April 6th at about 4:45, thinking about driving, its 5:49am, I'm thinking about what is coming in my next year of life. I'm looking forward because of my opportunity at the end of the month. Now I have a broken washing machine. I have to remember to go by that appliance shop on Exchange and ask do the do repairs or do they just sell. Depending on their answer I either get this Maytag washer fixed or I'm going to have to wait longer to get a washer. I need a dryer also since I need to conserve my time. Hanging up things to dry causes more issues than it fixes. 

On that subject I need to work on my wardrobe. Since I was just taking care of mom and granny my normal outfit was jogging pants and t-shirts. Most of my other clothes are so old I'm afraid I'm going to wear those out soon. 

The house needs some fixing, I've documented everything, priced the parts and have to tools. Some of these things I can do myself but that attic window, naw man I don't do heights. 

I'm behind on my bills but I'm choppin away on it. 

Despite all of this I'm going though, I'm looking forward to the middle of the month and beyond. This opportunity will put me in a space where I can handle all of this. I thank all the people that have made this possible. I know nothing in my life happens without help from someone. I've always felt people were put in my life for a purpose, for me to help them, for them to help me or both. It can be directly or indirectly, most people simply call them blessings. For all the hard work I did they are coming.

Do I see the end of the tunnel?

 

I decided to do another blog post tonight while sitting here listing to some mellow jazz. This is the only thing that calms down my cat when she is in heat. It actually is inspiring me. So I might have to do this when I'm working to keep me focused. I have been updating my server in my home lab and working on CloudFlare. 

Next week is April and then the 7th is my birthday. I feel so close to being where I want to be I worked for Techmate for almost a year. I'm hoping I get pulled into this job I'm at. This will unleash me from the financial chains I've been under. 

It will help me afford to stay in the family home, get it fixed, keep my car and allow me to go to New Mexico to check on the land I got from my granny. 

I feel I'm on the crest of doing all I want to do for the rest of my life. I had dreams of starting my IT Business, that isn't dead its been on life support for a few years. With what can happen in April all that can change. 

At first when I got the Kia Forte GT Line, I didn't like the color, Fire Orange. Now I embrace it. I'm going to buy some Garfield and Heathcliff stickers for it. At first I didn't know which one I wanted to name the car. I just call it Orange Kat. 

The House isn't at the point I want anyone to come over. Its why I haven't invited anyone over. I do need some help from the ladies to come by and help me go though my mother's and grandmother's clothes. So I can do one of three things, toss, give away and sell. I haven't got anyone to come help me do that yet and its been 2 years. I have other things to fix and will start to improve. I have a lot of thoughts I want to put into this place and making it mine. When I do, get ready for the yard parties in the summer. 

I use to road trip quite a bit back in the day. Some days when I'm driving Uber or Lyft and get one of those 20+ mile trips that are mostly expressway. I feel that roadtrip itch come back. I'm also a train buff and I will do one or the other to get around. Never really be a plane or a boat guy so I'll leave that to someone else. I can see myself traveling around the midwest and down south in the Forte, that has grown on me as a great road car. Then taking the train to New Mexico and then riding the local trains there. 

Its 10:07 let me go get ready for bed. Gotta be at EBG at 9am for work. I'm getting to the point where I feel like my struggle might have been worth it. 

If you want to catch the mood of me when I was writing this. Play the music I was playing from Youtube when I wrote this.

The Battle Within

I saw a Youtube video on the Dry Creek Wrangler School channel. It's the last place I thought I would see a good video about loneliness. But hey he is a cowboy so maybe I'll get a good tip or two. He said something that blew me away and made me think. 

Click on the image to view video

When he said that I was like, wow, hold up a minute. I thought back through my life. Where I wanted to be, where I could have been, and where I am now. I realized some time ago that I put on a facade when I walk out that door. My grandmother always told me to protect myself by not letting too many people into your inner circle of thought. So I did. Only a handful of people have EVER been in that inner circle. There are people that believe they are there but they aren't. Only a few people know I usually am angry most of the time since I was 33 years old. I'm surprised it doesn't show physically but I cope in my own ways. So from 33 until this year that smiling man in front of you probably was mad underneath. You didn't have anything to fear cause the anger wasn't with anyone else, it was with myself. 

I had goals of having my career in order, well I got sidetracked, but I can deal with that. I wanted to be in a good relationship as I'm not the player player. Well ok, I'm 33 it's ok I got prospects. Then when I thought I had that prospect I told her. She seemed happy. Then she got pregnant, and things flipped instantly. I'm not gonna go through the entire story cause I don't want to relive that again. But it ended with me and her at an abortion clinic. I know I didn't want to be there but I gave her the choice because it was her body and I had no right to tell her she had to have it. 

After it was over I went on my way. It was 3 years later around the same time of the year. My mother walked up to me, looked me in the eyes, and said "STOP!!" I looked at her, "What?". She told me to stop being sad about something I couldn't control. She didn't want the baby and every year since then you get depressed about it, stop, please. She told me to move on and I did. 

Little did I know there was a little angry man still hanging around. Every so often he would come out but I would put him back in the box. Until one day he was out for good and I couldn't put him back. So I started to just be that nice guy, jovial never had a bad thing to say. Inside I was like "Hulk SMASH!" The target wasn't anyone outside it was me. 

It ate at me until I left and moved to Columbus where I stayed with someone. But I knew inside I had to move out quickly. So I told her in one month I'll be in my own place. I lived up to my promise and had my own place. 

At first I was ok, man on my own. I did all the things I needed to do for myself. I had calmed down that little angry man and caged him up. But being in my own place, not really being out and about and making new friends. The little angry man started coming back. This time I got sick, I was in the hospital worried that I might die. The blessing came in the form of Dr Striker, not the one on WGN but her brother who use to work with my mother at Micheal Reese in Chicago. He came in and said to me "Litzsey that's a familiar name". I told him about my mother and her being a nurse. He told me he worked with her. He assured me he was going to take good care of me. He was the cardiologist that was going to do my pericardial. After my procedures, I had a tube in my chest draining the fluid from around my heart and I had something in my neck so they could break any blood clots. My mother came down. After some scary moments, I made it through. I got back home and mom looked at me and told me I wasn't staying here. 

Back to Chicago, I went and everything after that taking care of mom and granny and all I spoke about in another blog post. 

Now they are both gone. The time I took care of them I felt like I was ok. I wasn't. Being alone in this house has sparked the little angry man. I was afraid because this is the first time in my life I didn't have someone around me that knew. I began to get angry at myself because I didn't plan better. I didn't execute things before my mother passed to have me in a better position. She always worried about this and told me. Here I am, closed down business, no job and the choice of selling the house and moving on to God knows what or trying to do something to hang on. I did the latter and decision after decision that didn't go my way feed the little angry man, that man shouted at me. Look how fucked up you are. Look no one cares about you, not a soul has come by to comfort you. You have no real friends you never had. Oh if one more person says I'll pray for you I'm gonna smack them in the mouth!! Fuck them, Fuck you!!!

I was so angry at one point I didn't even leave the house unless I had to. Then when certain people reached out I was in no condition to be around them. I didn't think I would break it. 

Then my little cutie came across the street, walked on my porch and looked around, and chose to be with me. I'm talking about Adora my cat. She dealt with the little angry man at certain points when I caught her doing something, I had to run in my room and shut my door and scream into the pillow. She gave me something to care for. Something that always keeps me grounded. I'm good......naw not yet. 

I might not get angry but I get sad, he is just as bad as the angry man. He puts me in a place where I remember what the angry man shouted at me and reminds me nothing has changed. 

Back to Dwayne from Dry Creek Wrangler School. He said something that I need to take at heart I need to like me. All the goals missed, all the things that happened, the fact that I'm with myself. I have to love and believe in me or nothing else will matter. That little angry man really didn't exist it was my self hatred. The fact that I didn't live up to my lofty goals. Well hell does anyone? I'm just the guy the believed I could and when I didn't I put myself down. It's the reason no friend could really help me. All they could do was advise. Looking out this window I'm still a little mad but I have to use that to get up and do something about it despite how I feel or who is here to help me. I know physically I can't do everything around here but I'll do what I can and I know my blessings will come like they always have at the important moments of my life. Its still going to be a struggle but its a struggle I can work on with the understanding I've gained. 

 

I Care

 

I woke up this morning realizing that yesterday shouldn't have happened. I realized that I'm still grieving, I still feel loss and lastly I'm looking for that next thing to care about. 

 

I've always been a man of service. I took care of my friends, when I had time I spent it not on myself but helping others. I took care of my mom and granny. I could have left home and set out to make a life for myself but I stayed close to home and looks after them. I don't know if they saw it that way. Hell, I don't know if I really understood. I cared for them both until they passed. 

 I care about the school I graduated from and the people that graduated from it. I first got involved with a group of graduates that wanted to connect and bring people together. Later in 2011 I found out their was an alumni association that was formed and attempted to join, hoping that I would bring in everyone and we would have a alumni community that would have fun together and serve together in assisting students from the school and the principal in delivering the best experience for those students. Right now I'm the President of the association. At first it wasn't my choice but as time went on I grew into the position. Now I'm attempting what I wanted to see when I first joined. More participation, a stronger association and to help the students and the principal in any way we can. 

I care about my neighborhood, I went to chamber of commerce meetings in South Shore and South Chicago. I stuck with South Chicago because of the Bowen connection. The South Chicago Chamber is no more but I still try to work with the SSA #5. I also am part of the Bessemer/Schafer Park advisory council. Again the connection to Bowen is one of the reasons I'm part of this PAC and not Rainbow which is closer to me geographically. I have ties with everyone their also. I connect to any project that is in the community. I might no do much in certain places but I want to be in the room and hopefully if I find someone that in interested I can point them in that direction. I want to see a strong community. 

I care about my work. When I came out of college in 2002. I came out right when the dotcom bubble bursted. So with not resources to help me land a tech job I just worked at UPS and did IT on the side. At first it was ok. I really wanted to have a job with a company. As time went on I got attached to working residential and small businesses. I don't know if the feeling was mutual. I had my ups and downs, I had times where I tried to apply for jobs to no avail. So I continued to work my side hustle and work until I made a choice in 2013 that I would go into business. It was great I had clients and now I can make a formal business. I didn't have full understanding about running this as a business but I bootstrapped and had fair success. I wanted to get to a point where I could grow my business and hire. I saw my business as my retirement plan since the previous 13 years were spent in jobs that really didn't have that plain in sight. I cared about my clients taking that extra mile to get this squared away. Sometime my caring was enough sometimes it wasn't depending on who I dealt with. I worked my business until the care of my mother and grandmother superseded it. 

I took care of them until my granny passed in 2018 at 100 years old. It was her choice as she was on dialysis and decided she had enough and was happy to make 100 when she saw other pass from the complications that were far younger than her. When she passed there were people that spoke about her caring. Which I had no idea she was doing. I guess that's half of where i got it from.

I care about my mother as fell ill as my mother was in hospice. What I didn't realized at the time she cared so much for her mother that she sacrificed her own health. She had be suffering for a while and I didn't notice. So when I got her in an ambulance to the hospital. I played the balancing game of dealing with both of them by myself. I reached out to a few people but when they declined to help I just went on with it. 

I shared what happened after that in another blog post (I think?, I write from the heart so much I don't even remember if I don't look back and see the actual post). But anyway, 

After they passed. I spent the year trying to figure out do I want to stay or go. Do I care enough to move on and what is next for me to care about. I spent the entire year thinking about it. Truthfully, I still am and its probably the reason I'm writing right now. I had a emotional blowup yesterday because I'm at this job and I want to learn the processes I need to service the office. I'm having issues crop up and instead of reaching out I clammed up and turned inward. I walked out that office after my shift without a smile on my face and I didn't say goodbye to the staff that are always eating their lunch when I leave. I know they noticed that. I spoke to my onsite contact on how I felt about trying to learn this process and how I want to be helpful in the office. All my emotions from everything I've been through came to the top and I was ready to just leave and not come back. That was a foolish thought but in my head I'm a fuck up and don't deserve to be there. I said shit yesterday I which I could take back. Nothing bad about anyone else but I showed my insecurity on my sleeve. I showed how deserted I felt overall. Something that they never did to me. Damn I wish I could tell my contact I about this but it probably would make things worse. 

I care about my family, my late uncle Maurice got me into looking at my family tree and where I came from. I became interested an reach out to family online after I went to the family reunion. My cousins here in Chicago have always been here, for me I really only see them on occasion, but I helped start the family blog, Facebook group. I wish I had been closer when we were younger I don't know what happened I was just a pedestrian in the situation. Hopefully thing get better on that front.

Sometimes I beat myself up for caring so much. Sometimes I think I should just not care and try to talk myself into it but I just fall back into caring. Because I care and I've been hurt in the past I tend to proactively protect myself, some people call it over reacting. I'm working on that a lot, most of the time I don't respond to certain things right away. To allow my rational thought to take over. Its a process and something I felt I needed to talk about. I'm glad I have friend that protect me. I've had them all my life. Thank you to them for keeping me safe from people who might prey on the fact I care.

What's Next

 

 

I have to make an important decision in my life. I’ve always worked as an independent IT consultant. I started back in 2002. I worked regular jobs until 2011, then I went in full time as a consultant. Then after 4 years, I started to help my mother more with my grandmother until her choice to stop dialysis at age 100. She told us when she made that decision she felt she made it to her goal of making 100 and was satisfied. While my grandmother was in hospice, my mother who I realize in hindsight was having major issues, had to be hospitalized.

At that point I had to completely stop my consulting business there was no time for me to work on everything about that and take care of this. So after months of fighting to get my mother proper care. Of course thanks to people like Tanya for getting me past a really hard situation at the step-down hospital. I got her back home after her stay at the rehab. Now her full-time caregiver there was no IT consulting going on. I worked to take care of the house and her until her passing in Dec 2021.

After which I had more decisions to make. Will I go back into my business or just find work? Since during the pandemic and caring for mom I made absolutely no income. I still had hope I could restart my business as the last job I actually held before the job I had now was an independent transporter job I held until 2011.

So all of 2022 I spent on my own working with help from key my key people, Dawud and Rita, then leaned on my lawyers from LegalShield to make sure I made proper legal steps. They referred me to my probate lawyer who guided me through the process. I did most of my own footwork since I really didn’t have the money to pay my lawyer to have her contracted services do it.

Now its June 2023, and after struggling the first part of the year, getting into every program I could I pulled through and I’m one step away from finishing probate, I got a part-time job and I feel better about my prospects but this is where I had to make my decision. Do I work a part-time job and try to reopen my business or do I just work? Being 52 years old and restarting my business is far different than when I originally started this. Not only my age but the pandemic and the economic situation changed the way people spend their money. I have tried to market myself and try to start the business over but with all my new responsibilities and no backup like I had, it seems like I have no dedicated time for it. I would get someone to do it for me but with no real money to speak of how would I pay them? It's not like before when someone will work off the prospect of making it, they want cash now.

So now I’m not saying I won’t fix someone’s computer, printer, or network but I feel like unless I get help either with partners or financial help I will just be spinning my wheels and risk putting myself back in the situation I was in at the beginning of this year.

Getting work is hard, I applied to jobs all of 2022 with few interviews. A lot of the positions I saw on job boards like Indeed and Glassdoor would go in and out of being posted. I called them ghost jobs. Why? Because I found out through a business contact that some companies post jobs to raise their investor value. So investor confidence would be high, they would believe the company was growing and its value was still good. That’s why in early 2023 they were saying jobs were at this high but on the street people still were unemployed. But let me not go down that rabbit hole.

As I’m writing this now I believe I have to get full-time work to survive but I promise you my optimist side will take over at any given moment and start telling you I’m back in business. Once you work for yourself that drive to be that is hard to get rid of. So if you have some tech work for me to hesitate to call me, but I’m in survival mode right now and the only way I’ll make it past August is to make more money. August is the month that I start to pay the mortgage. Right now I make barely enough to do what I need now. With that 1300 dollar addition in August, I will be right back in my early 2023 situation. It's the reason why I have to make this decision to work over my entrepreneurial dreams. 

Another overnight thought session.

 Like most mornings, I woke up with a pressing issue on my mind that I've probably been processing during my sleep and I always come up with immediate actions I could take. Some of you know there has been a change in Adora and I've been trying to go over our situation together. I've come to these realizations.

1. Adora is what I named her, she is "A Dora the Explorer" She always wants to experience life and everything around her. She came to me in that spirit but I did like typical humans do. Took her in and restricted that explorer. There are sections of my house she can't go in because I have yet to make them pet-safe. Previously Rakishi never really carried about going in the basement or the back porch. Adora gets upset when I don't let her in those spaces. She wants full access.
 

2. She wants to go out. So with that in mind, I will need to get her Spay. I'm already setting up an appointment through PAWS to get that done. Since I don't really have to money to pay full price at any regular vet. By her bonding with me, she hates when I leave the house. At first, I didn't have employment and I wasn't out civically. Now I'm gone at least 3-4 days a week.
 

3. She is far more selective about the foods she will eat. At first, I use to get blue buffalo kitten food she loved it and would eat it up. Now because of time or availability, I've tried to give her different brands, and a lot of them she would look at me like "What the hell is this" and actually walk away. With money short I can't really go out here and experiment on what food she likes. Also I do remember when she first came into the house I would treat her like all my other cats and when I was in the kitchen I'd give her little bits. I did stop doing that. Which could be an issue also. 

For all those issues described above these are the lingering problems that keep me from accomplishing changing them. There was about a 4 year period between her and Rakishi where there were no cats in the house. During that period I had an exterminator come through several times laying things down for bug and mice. I have kept up with it for the most part. One of the issues I had when I brought Adora in the house was cleaning up all those pink bait packs. I've caught her several times finding one I missed. Forcing me to get on the floor and check and really clear out parts of the house. Which I successfully did the living and dining room but it took a while for me to make the kitchen safe. Now the only remaining areas are the back porch and the basement. With the latter being a humongous task. I still have my mother's and grandmother's clothes in bags down here. Which I seriously need help with. I want to clean these areas so She has full access to the house. 

As far as going out. If I get the PAWS appointment I could probably do Uber there and back but with my tight budget I don't know if I would be able to when the time came. I might have one or two people that may take me but its not guaranteed. If I can get past that it would be one hurdle to get past. The next. taking her out with me. I don't have too many places I can take her with me. I do have aspirations of traveling again. Which I will find a pet friendly hotel and take her with me. Transportation is an issue. At some point I probably would need a car. Working my IT business more and earning money that way would help but its been a real battle for me to market and get new customers as I'm not the best sales guy, I just know how to fix things. 

Food, with the price of things and my income its a stress just to keep food in the fridge for me and get food and litter for her. On my recent trip to the vet they gave me resources for food and other things for Adora. Now I just have to get there and back. I have to reach out to my few resources to see if anyone can take me there as it would be difficult to be on the bus. You might look at me and be like come on dude but at 52 I'm starting to suffer from issues with my knees and hips because of the years of me being this size and my injuries playing football and some workplace incidents also. 

So what do I hope from this disclosure of information. If anyone can help me with, cleaning up the house. If I can't get a ride to the vet and I can't afford to do Uber or Lyft to help me get there and back home. Lastly if your a pet owner and want to take advantage of the resources I talked about, take me with you. So I can get these things for her. What I realized over this time unless you have a specific ask your gonna get suggestions back on what you can do. I have enough suggestions I need actionable help. I'm not looking for someone to do everything for me I'm looking for that boost so I can get to a level where I can do this myself. I have too much pride to lean on anyone for a long period of time. My closest friends know that cause they get mad at me when I don't ask and I just suffer through things.

52, the next day, back to life

 

I woke up this morning thinking I was going to feel different. Well that's not true and I knew it. I didn't feel different when I became 30 or 40 or even 2 years ago when I became 50. Aging is something that happens slowly over time and you don't notice until far later on. 

I woke up today after a nice day hanging out with my best friend Dawud. We played video games and talked stuff. It was all I needed. With the complex issues going on I didn't need to think of any I was going through. We played Shing! a game I played by myself but got stuck at this one level with this boss that i couldn't beat. Shing! is actually a collaborative game that should be played with friends. So because he played with me we were able to get past that point. Of course later on we hit a point where it would have been cool to have a 3rd or 4th person then we could have gotten past that. Hey here is the link to the game on steam, just in case you might want to play the game with me in the future. Shing!

Now I'm up at 7am writing this blog post, with the cat acting strange probably because she wants me to either feed her right now or pay attention to her. I'm thinking about this long process to get back to work. I have a job at First Student as a van driver but because of a medical paper I need to get done I'm currently paused. This is putting me in a horrible financial situation. It's forcing me back into my business financed or not. Most of my bills are 2 months behind. I'm on the brink of the next step of foreclosure. I'm in programs I'm doing all the things most people are thinking of right now. I've to the point where I pray everyday and trust in the people around me but even that is coming to a head. There are times I think about that outro to the Incredible Hulk tv series when Banner is always leaving the town he was just in. Outside of this house I really can just leave, but I don't want to. I love my neighborhood despite all the disinvestment. I'm working with people and organizations that want to make a change and change is coming. 

I'm scared more than I've ever been mostly because I'm in this house alone and no one every comes over. As much as I would like company sometimes it hardly happens. Me being alone is never a good thing, I know this. Its why I try to go to as many events as possible. Sometimes stuff i'm not totally into but someone is there I know or its a topic I know someone needs to know about. So I'll pass that info on to them. 

I love to cook but since I've been by myself I've realized that cooking is a communal thing for me. I have to either be cooking with or for someone for it to be enjoyable. Its why i made a group on Facebook called Let's Go Eat. I want to share recipes or restaurants with the hopes that we would either get together to cook or go to the restaurant as a group. 

My life is meant to be lived with other people which is something that isn't happening right now. So I have to make a choice do I fight to stay here or do I go and find my flock somewhere else. It has to happen soon. This current situation is taking a toll on me. 

Flexin' my connect game.

 

I have known for quite sometime that I'm the guy that puts the right people together. I might not be the negotiator but I'm the one that gets two sides into a room together. All that I do isn't something I talk about often because I want to make those connections on my own. I worry about people wondering who I know and if they find out try to manipulate their way into a situation. Trust is the key that makes things work. So I have to evaluate the resource and the person I'm going to connect to them before I get them together. 

Today I decided after all these years I should toot my own horn for a minute. For years I've found myself in rooms, rooms that people probably wondered why I was there. I listen, recall people that might benefit from knowing this person or organization.  

I don't even remember the last time I put people together and it didn't work. I'm careful to listen to people and what they are looking for. When I match someone I ask questions to get details and try to make sure I'm making the right connection. I think I did a good job today, I can't speak on what it was but I think its a good connect and it gets something started ahead of a lot of other people because I had early knowledge. I have another connect from this resource that I'm going to work this afternoon. Hopefully this works out also. 

I don't gain anything from most of these connections. There are times I might get something but I don't really care. Its something that comes natural to me and doesn't require a lot of work. Its just be listening and seeing the connection. I'm sure its a job classification out here for this and with me dealing with money issues I need to find that job LOL. 

This is one of my talents I never really tell anyone. I just do it. 

Where I will be in '23

 

I've been everywhere on the Internet since 1990. On every network, chat, social media experiment their is. At the end of the day what is the best for you? What is the best for me?

I've been trying to use Facebook Business. I filled out everything, I made sure its update. I post, I have a little over 400 followers but only have a reach to a little over 100 of them. Why? The algorithm, the thing that dictates if your popular or not by the amount of engagement you get. Obviously because 300 of my followers aren't engaging with me I'm low on the totem pole. 

Twitter is worse, but they are different than Facebook. On Twitter you have to constantly work for your engagement because of the high amount of information being thrown at you. Wait, now that I think about it its not far off the issue on Facebook. I never really was a fan of Twitter I had it be in the room. Twitter for me doesn't give enough room for my idea. If you seen my blog posts here, on My Thoughts and the Litzsey Tech Services blog. Then you  know I can be long winded depending on the subject. Twitter just doesn't flow with my jive. 

Mastodon, that is some fun stuff. When I first got on before the exodus from Twitter it was kinda boring. It have great potential because at least I could get out my opinions in a toot that I couldn't get out in a tweet. Then the Fediverse is that includes Mastodon, Pixelfed and other services opens a lot of doors and crosses an lot of lines. To me its like if Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Youtube and your favorite blogger all spoke on the same network. Think of the possibilities. I'm starting to post more for business and personal. I'm getting good feedback and reactions. I know I have to continue posting to allow people to find me. There is a tip for people just starting. Use hashtags to post and to search for posts. Its the easiest way to get around the Fediverse. 

Then last but not least is what I'm using right now. It gives me the best freedom of everything. I post what I want how I want and you can access it free of any restrictions. My downside is posting links to my blog on Facebook won't get you brownie points, unless your post becomes an internet sensation. Its probably gonna fall in the algorithm pit. Twitter might give you a better chance if you use hashtags that people check on a regular bases. Same with Mastodon but I get more responses there than on Twitter.

As thing move along I'm starting to blog more. I need my ideas to flow but I also need interaction. Both things make it a better experience for both of us. I just recently closed a Facebook group of mine because of that. I had people but no engagement. It pretty much was me talking to no one. I looked at the post stats and saw the same 4-5 people out of like 15 members. So I had to close it. Here I might shout to the wind most of the time. Every so often I'll get a winner that my "Where are the big man's slippers." Which is still and issue right now. Don't let me start ranting about that again. LOL

I hope you enjoy my blog posts cause this is where I will mainly be in '23. I also hope you find some useful information along the way. Please give me feedback I do look. Like I said before it enhances me so I make more better and focused blog post. 

Ron DeSantis Isn't Prepared For This Historic Lawsuit

This is DeSantis trying to scrub black history. Reducing the fight for black rights to sit-ins, marches and speeches. 

Stories of the 80s and 90s #2

 I was going to do this weekly but my inner artist works in spurts. I might give you 2-3 posts in a week and you not hear from me for a week or 2. So get ready for the inconsistency. I would type it out in word then paste on the day I'm suppose to post but I know me I'll put that thing through edit hell and it will not be the same so here is #2 in the series. Remember I don't go in chronological order, that's boring :)